XCI

Has his heart and mind become fossilized by the events that took place in a matter of three years? Did the events happen beyond his control? Did he have other options in life that he had failed to take to own the blame the responsibility? Could he have had more self-control? Was he destined to suffer? Do you have to live only in a world of conjectures?, I would say the average adult spends ten to twelve hours a day (including commuting) doing something that they don't enjoy. They come home eat dinner sit down watch TV and end up falling asleep after fifteen minutes because they were up at dawn to catch the 6 a.m. train into Manhattan. The next day they do the same thing over again. This goes on for years, Magda my assistant wrote me a letter congratulating me on the publication of my latest book. "I am fond of the second book because if you hadn't created it we would never have met. But you must know that I don't really like it. Whereas I was impressed by the introduction. Obviously you should consider becoming a prose writer", She called to return a phone call. When I thanked her for the lovely dinner party she threw a couple of days before I happened to mention that I thought one of the dinner guests was cute. "Well I used to think he was cute but I don't think he is anymore" she replied. "Really? What happened?" I queried. "Well it's not that he's not cute it is just that now I think you are cuter", when a com-poser feels a responsibility to make rather than accept he e-liminates from the area of possibility all those events that do not suggest the at that point in time vogue of profund-ity. For he takes himself seriously wishes to be considered great and he thereby diminishes his love and increases his fear;