LXXV

Always a nagging on my shirt sleeve. Something to do. Even activities that are supposed to be considered "pleasure" or "leisure" become responsibilities. I would like to take just one fucking week out of my life to do nothing -- literally nothing -- with no obligations whatsoever, so tonight I couldn't help but wondering what was running through his mind as he watched the show. I tried to imagine what would be running through my mind and I remembered all too easily. It was what made me want to search out another way because obviously that wasn't working anymore, we talked on a beautiful mid-September day. She said she was tired of having to think in the narrow way which she had learned over the past ten years. She said she couldn't wait to break through and toss away the old habits -- to have her sub-conscious break through her conscious mind like a seed turning to flower, We were discussing sensuality in the work of the well-known poet. He said "There's so much eroticism in his work and to be honest with you I wish I didn't know him personally. That way when he writes about his wife licking his hip I could imagine being slightly turned on more;