LXXII

Everything pushes down on you and you just want to lie still and never move again but you can't. Your best friend won't speak to you and you fear it may be for real this time and you're scared. You know how futile everything is and you just don't want to anymore. You wish you could put a name on your fears, I hate those stupid lazy people that live off of Food Stamps. They go through the grocery lanes wearing $100 jeans $100 shirts and $100 tennis shoes -- my god their four year old has $100 shoes too. Thhhhhhhen they purchase shrimp T-bone steaks and lobsters, looking at your letter I have found some phrases which surprised me such an optimist -- Kenny wrote me: "Alone trying to mull over recent events in my life..." or "...wondering what I'm going to do next with my life..." Jezus it sounds not good. I hope now everything is O.K. Kenny huh?, Met Larry on the street today. He asked me what was up. I told him that I had been to India. "Really?" he inquired. "Tell me more." I proceeded to tell him of my adventures. At the end of our hour long conversation he said "You know -- this India thing sounds like a good idea", the doctor said "I am afraid we got some bad results from one of your tests and we are going to have to operate and cut off your left testicle." Ray sort of winced pondered a bit and said "Well what's the good news?" To which the doctor replied "You still got the right one baby uhh huhh", the use of "generic" male pronouns which are I think part of a language of the past (dominated by patriarchal thinking) not a healthy language of the future which should be as free as possible of all authoritarian hierarchical and exclusive structures/strictures;