XLI

And here we are sitting here at the kitchen table hammering away on the computer on a sunny afternoon like so many sunny afternoons before, at dinner with the famous curator -- he exposed his insecurities and weaknesses to me in a way and with an openness which he had never before, Cocteau has said that the revolutionary artist is first ignored then scorned and when these things do not work they try to suppress you by loading you down with honors, he was then asked what his view was of the future. He looked directly into the camera with a glint in his eye and said "Things will not remain this way forever", I felt terribly hurt after I went through all the trouble to make him a tape and his only response was to act defensively as if he couldn't be bothered, I have felt very fortunate to enjoy the strong support of you and others like you and only hope that those interested in me as an artist and thinker, I've got some buddies and we all drink bleach you know we practice what we preach we're not a drunken bunch of frat boys drunk on beer or a stoned bunch of hippies with no careers, in a sea of cut-and-paste I'll-rip-the-balls-off-the-next-man-who-looks-at-me she stands out as a refreshing different more positive expression of girl power, life is like a movie. It is like an unfolding story that we read and interpret while identifying with the stars and immersing ourselves in the drama, met a Peruvian prince the other night in an East Village club populated mostly by skinhead interior designers and their significant others, sea idea guinea area psalm Maria but malaria say aver but ever fever neither leisure skein receiver ear but earn and wear and bear, she said to me that you must pursue whatever course your work is going to take and not worry about your audience. The work will find its own level like water, so is it a surprise that things should be so? No not really -- only if I feel that I am deserving of something of which I am not -- I'm a monster -- a taker, so what does it mean to you? There won't be any speculations about Kurt Cobain battling Richard Nixon in hell or tomorrow is after all a new future, spoken not in obedience to some external center but emanating from the interpenetration of the community's numerous nonfixed centers, The newspaper article described him as a victim of the "Melville Syndrome" that is -- a writer without readers. Funny -- none of the writers I know have readers, the next few weeks will be terrific! But try to avoid boys with short blond hair as they can't be trusted now. But that doesn't mean that you should avoid changing your color, there was a young Sapphic named Anna/Who stuffed her friend's cunt with a banana/Which she sucked bit by bit/From her partner's warm slit/In the most approved lesbian manner, this has been the lowest time in recent memory. I can't remember when I've felt more depressed and lost than now. I spend my days waking up late reading the paper, to sit alone in the lamplight with a book spread out before you and hold intimate converse with men of unseen generations -- such is a pleasure beyond compare, "We as always honor the truth and declare that regrettable as it is that the leading Germanic God should be sung in Bayreuth as a Jew -- namely Fredrich Schorr, when passenger of foot heave in sight tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first but fi if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor, you start with entertainment and then you add home shopping interactive shopping and then you add games and then you add gaming and suddenly you've got it all paid for;