XXVIII

A lot girls become embarrassed by their parents and this is becoming a tradition in America, a sexual woman is like eating out. An emotional one is like home-cooked food. I'd love to have either, ah beedy-beedy beedy-beedy beedy-beedy bah/ah beedy-beedy beedy-beedy beedy-beedy dah, all these artificial layers devote lifetimes to piling up counters fiddling with obscure piling up counters, and about how well you actually know people (or how well people actually know me for that matter), and after a long and heated debate we terminate the phone call by mutually insulting each other, and we saw that our fingers were jammed in the door and we then decided that we couldn't stand it any longer, As I connect to the Internet will E-mail cause me to forget how to lick a stamp or address a letter?, as soon as the stewardess serves the coffee the airline encounters people who love sausage and respect the law, Ben gave me a book from David Antin. I opened it up and it was inscribed "From one poet to another", Britain is already witnessing "a boom in rat population" as a result of several mild winters, clean poopie: the kind where you poopie it out see it in the toilet but there is nothing on the toilet paper, diminutive fish abounding in the Mediterranean and esteemed for their rich and peculiar flavor, "Don't you hate it when they're about to flop back out and they scomp back in?!" (said while looking at a Magic Eye Picture), Ernest Hemingway spoke once of sitting at his desk each morning to face "the horror of a blank sheet of paper", evil drug companies are withholding antennae rot cures and Green Cards for Worker Ants Spam encourage flamewars, for togetherness of differences not only differences in ranges but differences in structure, funny I've been haunting paper and office supply stores the way I used to frequent art and hardware suppliers, he can spit so hard his gob sticks to the ceiling for a few seconds then catch it in his mouth when it falls later, he continues to be stuck in a rut and by the looks of it there he will stay for the foreseeable future, he sighed and then in a sad voice asked "Does this mean when I come to New York we can't go out and get smashed anymore?", I couldn't read the reviews for the last show -- the work was done so long ago. For me it was completely over, I couldn't think of a way to keep track electronically so I got a piece of scratch paper to keep score, I envy the ease with which great engines of Capitalism cope with the incessant flow of reading matter, I looked at this accordion and I said "God I don't want this accordion. I want an electric guitar", I stick my fingers up cat's bums because it makes my willy tingle. Yet I am the highest paid philosopher, I tried conforming to a sense of hygiene by washing my face with some soap and brushing my teeth with a finger, I was inspired by the alternative uses of language and linguistic freedoms of the modernist writers, I'm gonna put a cat on you was the sweetest gonest wailingest cat that ever stomped on this sweet swinging sphere, If improvisation is free why do many of its evenings go out to the same boundary and no further?, in the great American tradition of getting what you pay for three days later you feel like death warmed over, infection is the communication of disease especially by agency of atmosphere or water, interior poetic structure in addition to interior ordinary grammatical structure, it must be contemporary -- forget contemporary -- it must be in goose-step with the culture by the hour, it turned out that the rave had just been shut down at 4:30 and Woodstock '94 was officially over, it was only later that I discovered that they were not Indians at all but only dirty-clothes hampers, Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jill forgot to take the pill so now they've got a daughter, ka and ka ta and ka pa ta and ka ga pa ta and ka da ga pa ta and ka ba da ga pa ta and ka, Knowledge precludes thought. Gradually we trade the faculties of the latter into the inflexible former, last week's ill-fated trip on Continental made this flying-lover a disContinent-aled flying-hater, Multi-grain Cheerios have all the great flavor of cardboard. Don't buy them. Save the money for something tastier, no matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats -- approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care, one is constantly looking both backwards and forwards but never in the present for where to go in the future, one of the pipes in your basement is leaking and you have to keep your finger on it so that you won't waste water, one smart fellow he felt smart two smart fellows both felt smart three smart fellows all felt smart they all felt smart together, or worst of all it's the environmentalists screaming at you to save the earth by recycling your newspapers, our past perceptions of a blacker Jackson and his image as an African American entertainer, Pick an animal that begins with your new number. Now change that number to a letter. Now move up one letter, probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper, Sex Pistols: a distortion of botanical term sex pistils referring to male sexual parts of flowers, Simple Simon broke my hymen going to the fair. I said "Simon that's my pie man! I ain't got a slice to spare!", so get past the perfunctory MALE=BAD routine and start working on a healthy respect of who you are, somehow whenever I use this crap I always wind up with little bubbles in the hair on my arms -- go figger, soul and mind instantly lost their physical bondage and streamed out like a fluid piercing light from my every pore, Stumble around waving your arms like an idiot and going "AAAaaa! AAAaaa!" as if you were the Nutty Professor, the last time guitarist Donna Sparks paused midsong to do a stagedive someone in the crowd tried to fingerfuck her, (the most common) is "> > > >" "> > >" etc. (or ">>>>" ">>>" etc.), the only disadvantage is that coming off the caffeine buzz is liable to drop you into a coma, The only thing they talk about is getting stoned all day. Not exactly a revolutionary agenda, the presence of my parents can be located in me precisely everywhere and nowhere in particular, the soundtrack to "Indecent Exposure" is a romantic mix of music that I know most women love to hear, these are my personal opinions and not to be construed as the official position of my employer, they sat in the beautiful garden and reminisced and told one another that they did not look a year older, they're missing something and I have it and I'm missing something and they have it and I test the nerves in my fingers, to me boxing is like ballet except there's no music no choreography and the dancers hit each other, We want our panic fun our MTV. It's all positive no negations. We want to pray at our own pleasure, What's new Pussycat? With luck the turned dirt of your grave Tom. The worst example of the Dean Martin inheritors, what's the matter with my brain I can't think clear oh it's the hair run and get the razor gotta make it disappear, When his fiancée cried "I adore the beautiful sea!" He replied "I agree it's pretty but what is it for?", When you fear for your cyst think of your fistula. And when you tremble for your fistula consider your chancre, who passed through universities and saved their asses hallucinating Grateful Dead posters and eating Sara, "Why is it that nobody understands me and everybody likes me?" Einstein once asked with sadness and wonder, Wipe out the miscreants the devious sysops and the exposers! Turn the tables on the turpid tykes who tear, you might walk into a hospital get tired lie down somewhere to take a nap and wake up with a baboon-liver;