XI

A baby covered in Funnel-Web spiders, a baby run over by a lawn mower, a baby that was hit by a snow thrower, a baby that's been playing with a chainsaw, a blow passes on a spoken word lingers, a bocher a shadchen a moid a bobbeh, a brontosaurus is a salamander, a collection of language I'd like to share, a convention of Amish undertakers, a fascinating magikal egresore, a food for today: Hershey's Brownie Sampler, a food particle the size of a chana, a grain of salt demystifies the pepper, a hundred or more milliseconds before, a long perfect loop was formed by my seizure, a lot of ideas are just ideas, a new face on the many-headed monster, a noisier noise annoys an oyster more, a one-bit brain with a parity error, a person with pinkish eyes white skin and hair, a polar bear is a rectangular bear, a red tara sadhana for your father, a rhyming dictionary extraordinare, a "saucy nomad" is just a wanderer, a square cut punter not a punter cut square, A Supermarket In California, a thing of beauty is a boy forever, absorbs 30% faster than water, after that came the parts devoted to fear, after thirty years disgruntled shoe seller, after two decades of icing each other, again we turn on our air-conditioner, Alas! The lens of life is smeared with butter, all Domino's pizzas are made with liver, ALRIGHT EVERYBODY! COFFEE BREAK'S OVER!, alternative Cyberspace Utopia, Alvin Toffler will do it in the future, American dreamer star of Karuna, amoral pixies and confused carnivores, an alphabetic and syllabic order, an' asked if she had any cooties in there, An eternal question. And now the answer:, analogies are rocks in my underwear, analogies in writing are like feathers, and all the men and women merely players, and as you step into the morning shower, and every day we'd read from the book of Cher, and he fines you every time you slam the door, and I ask if that is a good idea, and in the end nothing makes sense anymore, and just having persistent gonorrhea, and now again we are having the pleasure, and now for the part you've all been waiting for, and others have concepts that cut across ours, And that crazy new contraption the blower?, and the New York Daily News gives it four stars, and they're coming to take me away ha ha, and we were damn near blown out of the water, (and yet arriving at different answers), another fig leaf for another era, Anthem For The Retarded Teenage Hipster, anti-Semitic witch-hunting right-wingers, Anuruddha's Abhidhammattha-Sangaha, anything you can do I can do better, apology alternatives to flowers, appearance electronically altered, Are any of you serious listeners?, Are you the self-appointed chair-person here?, Aren't I a lot cuter than Bob Barker?, Arrgh! I'm trapped forever! Aaaigh! Flee run fear!, as long as it's black we like every color, as one who has often been caught in this snare, as such I envisioned this work as a score, At the copy machine: reproducing huh?, Autumn Likely To Quit Soon Over Winter, barbers do it and end up with soaping hair, baseballs with delicious chocolate centers, beam me up there's no intelligent life here, beautiful black ladies for phone talk & more, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, because it was stapled to the koala, been dialing the wrong number for an hour ---->, before you blast her protect your bushmaster, bent out of shape by society's pliers, biocidal fries and a flouty burger, biological warfare is all we are, bit by bit daily life becomes such that there, blame the woman blame the drink blame the weather, Bloody Ethnic Feuding Gets Even Grimmer, blue is just not a natural food color, (book in my hand is sufficiently obscure, Boy did my bomb pop. She opened it right there, breezing over a chunky Taxi bubbler, brilliant sisters vs. do-nothing brothers, Buddha laid his finger on the heart's desire, but before my pen runs dry altogether, but it will become clear to any reader, but little inferior to the others, But Moses gets the rebound ... he shoots ... HE SCORES!, but she's hard-edged and ballsy and I like her, but t D if revolution engenders, but you are so strong and well just so super, by calling the winter a "shitty summer", by odor in chronological order, Can a guy in a bear suit nail Madonna?, Can you believe that goddamned little bugger?, Can't someone just cure my Scanophobia?, carrier of eerier terrier hair, cause I'm Pete The Puma Minnie The Moocher, cellular representation is cancer, Charges Link Trash Industry To Mafia, cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger, Chicken legs! Women drivers no survivors, "civilizing the electronic frontier", class struggle or executive producer, Coleridge did and certainly Baudelaire, compliments of suicidal amoebae, conceive him as a great white caterpillar, Conclusions You Can Come To When You're So Bored, contemporary crock pot markets an air, continuity that excludes all others, crowned A capital A with a crown over, cyber-banging vulgar display of power, da da da dada da da dada da da, daffodils that come before the swallow dare, deadpanning like a truculent sixth-former, destroying culture in the name of culture, di epeleh falt nit veit fun baimeleh, Did you see my money while you were down there?, dirt is very dirty indeed dirtier, distinguish between genres and formulas, distorted excursions into the nether, Do they run over any alligators?, Does it feel sticky after you clean your floor?, Does your mother know you represent Hitler?, doesn't have two neurons to rub together, don't ask what the little wastebasket is for, Don't consider yourself great. God is greater, don't worry you won't feel this way forever, "dropped a couple bills on all that cool gear", Duchamp spent his whole life trying not to bore, dying for oil in Saudi Arabia, each generation enjoying a higher, endless amounts of linguistic crapola, enjoys listening to telemarketers, Ethnically Homogenous Area, Every Bible Gets Dusty After Easter, every comma in my work is my comma, every man deserves a secret phone affair, every woman should visit the breast center, everybody's so sensitive around here, exclusion from society and favor, Excuse me! Do you know if we can park here?, excuses to raid the refrigerator, experience a natural disaster, extremists threw sandals at one another, Facism = Bayreuth = Wagner, falling asleep in the arms of your mother, 50% less fat than most candy bars, finally got hand unstuck from pickle jar, finding a quiet and rock solid center, finding relief in fondoo-a-cheese melter, five virgins want to be deflowered by her, flash and sizzle of babies dead all over, fleas and unchecked flatulence both of which are, foliated detail of stool lamina, for long-term success try these motivators:, for he told a plump girl she was skuinea, for millions this life is a sad vale of tears, for those about to rock we salute you FIRE, forced to embrace a red-hot metal pillar, Ford Taurus America's best selling car, form is the possibility of structure, four out of five get it before they are four, Furtwängler -- Hitler's favorite conductor, get a doggy bag quick we're taking over, get into the groove boy you've got to prove your, give the finger to the rock-and-roll singer, Great gift sale! $25 and under!, green loogi attached to the inside of your, growing up female in the mass media, Had sex with someone whose face you never saw?, ham chicken or something brown that just lays there, has no owner and nothing can interfere, Have you smelled old beer on furniture before?, he quoted his old friend Jerry Garcia, he relates with a tinge of nostalgia, he sighed and said "There is so much to yearn for", he told me what I thought I wanted to hear, he was her gopher and say did he go for, he who brought the butter dish to Balshazar, he's being hyped as the new Henry Miller, he's leaving on that midnight train to Georgia, here we are again and I've been here before, Hey hey nihaoma. Hey yeah yeah nihaoma, Hey ... I'm a loser baby ... so why don't ya, Hey I've just had a fantastic idea!, Hey somebody farted. Let's get out of here, hipness is bigger than General Motors, hippie influences on your bandanna, his legs were like pieces of hardened leather, historians merely repeat each other, homosexual dogs can't cross a river, how can you tell when sour onion ring answers, How do you confuse a stupid person? 4, How many legs has a bowlegged spider?, humuhumunukunukuapuaa, hyperaware of her hypochondria, I accepted the major and the minor, I am demanding your selfless support here, I am quickly becoming an idea, I am the beast who will slaughter your mother, I am the demon who rots in the corner, I am the moth I killed in infant desire, I believe that this is a condition or, (I can't do it for a nickel anymore), I can't keep my eyes open any longer, (I could give two shits about your disclaimer, "I couldn't call him a 'poet' -- that's for sure", I don't know where they are but I know they're there, "I don't pay for my sex" replies the panda, I don't want to live in this world anymore, I feel like Eva Gabor in "Green Acres", I find it difficult to forgive a pear, I forgot to remember to forget her, I give the impression that I am secure, I hate that the paper towel dispenser, I have an answering machine in my car, I have grown so old and neutral I don't care, I have never read half a page of Homer, I have no good reason to die of despair, I have often thought of swimming in water, I haven't read a Judy Blume book in years, I hear the mill rumbling but I see no flour, I hope that this improves my parking karma, I intend to reopen in the future, I just stood on my head and my neck is sore, I knew this would happen sooner or later:, I know who's on the phone before I answer, I remember up high wallpaper borders, I remember we'd all pile into the car, I say Hallelujah brothers and sisters!, I stood on the stairs then my mouth hit the floor, I think I'd like to become a birdwatcher, I think I'm growing another nipple here, I think their ears are a different color, I think we have mid-summer insomnia, I think we're in for a bad spell of wether, I told the undertaker undertaker, I want to fuck her where she has too much hair, I wanted to assassinate December, I was not aware she ever did swimwear, I went to her house. The closets have no doors, I wish everyone could trust one another, I wish I had bought Adidas not Pumas, I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Weiner, I wish they all could be California, I wonder what the feel of these pages are, I work exclusively on the computer, I'd rather slit my wrists than date anymore, I'll def be there -- Puma T-shirt long blonde hair, I'll bet her thighs are as flabby as ever, I'm deadly on the eyes an astro-spyder, I'm giving up sex for my new found pleasure!!, I'm finding that I prefer my toast darker, I'm going to have myself stuffed like Trigger, I'm gonna wash that man right out of my hair, I'm not saying that to kiss your ass either, I'm only reporting the sounds that I hear, I'm taking my teenage son to a stripper, I'm thinking of Ted Berrigan and others, I've been scheduled for transplanted karma, I've got the start of a pretty big boner, I've got to be very very together, I've had two children since my first encounter, I've never known anybody who likes her, if he were her child she'd make sure he'd never, if I could have just been a capon's liver, if I had money I'd like to eat lobster, If it is entertaining even better!, if nude dancing is outlawed only outlaws, if shit happened once it will happen twice more, if there are no questions there are no answers, if you can remember when life was simpler, if you have nothing to do don't do it here, if you knew what you were doing you'd be bored, if you're going home ride home with someone sober, if you're horny and you know it beat your bars, important rules for the wealthy investor, impossible to tell one from the other, in a way that is both direct and obscure, in the soap-operas heard in Gomorra, indeed life on earth is nearly half over, influences outside the home don't matter, Info-deformation shared mental triggers!, [insert pointlessly huge ASCII logo here], <insert your local white trash neighborhood here>, inspired by the beauty of America, international express yourself counter, introducing new Tide with grease releasers, inwardly ejaculating fervent prayers, (Is everybody ready?) Well dibbida, Is he the victim or the victimiser?, Is-it-a-parody-or-is-it-sincere?, Is it hard? No but you should look it over, Is it time for a colorful metaphor?, is only reverberation of the air, isa ala myy myymalaasi -- father, Isn't fun like the best thing to have ever?, it comes from here (pointing long slender finger, it is a world for cerebral adventures, It must start somewhere. Might as well begin here, it separates the men from the ... whatever, it was well received although no one was there, it'll be sweeter if you wrap your peter, it'll all be the same in a hundred years, it's a condition he states named apnea, it's a classic case of "you had to be there", it's always there taunting you faster faster, it's hard to find better prices anywhere, it's kind of boring to read -- there's no pictures, it's not good to sleep with your mother either, it's one of those confusing gray areas, it's out there just waiting to be discovered, Ivory and Massengil right away sir, Jack Spicer might keep me puzzled forever, James Chaney Andrew Goodman Mickey Schwerner, jerking off while working on the computer, Jerry off on eternal space jam guitar, Jim Thomas Park Jr. has "Anal Vapors", Join in the fun and copy me into yours!, jump in time to the immediate future, Jupiter and Juno and Zeus and Hera, just like my Aunt Lottie used to put in hers, keep it down -- my mother is a light sleeper, kit'n/ and /kuhl'r/ not /kit'*n/ and /kuhl'*r/, Knight Ridder To Get Rid Of More Reporters, knowing yourself lets you understand others, let me dip my ladle in your vichyssoise, like a line drawn across a sheet of water, like masturbating 10 times a day or more, list each cheek separately by bank number, listen with credulity to the whispers, locked up in a broom closet with Pauly Shore, locking people up because of eyebrow hair, lofty cushy effete ivory tower, look what silver girl is doing for gray hair, looking to God for answers is premature, lose all the weight you want for $7, Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered, low-land drinks its water and that of others, "m" typically lasts a hundred or more, Martinis at lunch. Rob Roys before dinner, Material Girl grilling tuna burgers, maybe you'll earn the reward of my collar, message sent thank you for calling Skypager, millions of passengers are sprayed every year, Minny and a Minny and a ha ha ha, Misssing In Action and Prisoners Of War, mistakes are oft the stepping stones to failure, money is only one way of keeping score, Monitor lizard or T.V. monitor?, more anti-Semitism in Austria, moshers mopers and psychedelic swayers, most anybody knows about the future, Mr. Fishmeister meet Mr. Fishmonger, my airline encounter with Stevie Wonder, My Anal-lucious ass is ready for ya!, My dad went gaga. And goo-goo. And aah-aah, my hair gets longer as the beat gets stronger, my mind is generally in the gutter, my mother's miniature finger wrapper, my name is Ira I'm an engine driver, My People Were Fair and Had Sky In Their Hair, my plot to take over the world if thicker, my potential-acquaintance-rape-survivor, my tongue hides as my dainty head hits the floor, My wife's a gem. Marriage ended her career, national upgrade complete 12/94, Nazi sympathizer likes a kielbasa, Nazis portrayed as the scum they truly were, needlessly God knows he meant to frighten her, negotiate self-destructive behaviors, neither a panhandler nor a Laplander, neither real nor unreal nor both nor either, never answer a question with an answer, New Probe Into Amy's Claim Joey Raped Her, Nietzsche on acid indeed!: Melt-O-Rama!!!!!!!, No Fear Mossimo Stussy Yaga wearers, no personal checks under $20, nobody but nobody does it better, nobody has time for mourners and cribbers, not a player but a quiet onlooker, not for use in automatic dishwashers, not knowing how to program your VCR, nothing compares to the smell of real flowers, notice that your works are more like each other, Now i hate everyone. People are losers, now put down your Spoogey Grogan candy bar, of bad poetry and Italian sodas, Oh good! It's my Channel 13 umbrella!, oh I need to be slightly numb in order, oh my such good apple pie sweet as sugar, Oh well! back: put a galley: round the b.: sir, one avant-garde overtaking another, one hot pepper short of an enchilada, one hundred million billion zillion dollars, one moment reinvented at another, one two three four clean it up and make some more, 1 2 3 4 cretins gonna hop some more, one two three four getcher booty on the floor, 1 2 3 4 we don't want your fucking war, one who likes to nibble on a woman's ear, onto the nipple ring finger puke of our, open defecation by jhuggi dwellers, open here to experience Nautica, opposed to each other but need each other, Or have they gone the way of the snail-darter?, or jet culture has its own pecking order, or whatever gets you wetter or harder, others see a crass literary prankster, over and cover asunder and under, over and over we flatten the clover, Owww!!! I'm so hot!!! Clint and Arnold together!!!, partly because I consider them filler, Partnership For A Drug Free America, paying outrageous sums for bottled water, Peace. Love. Happiness. They call me Sunflower, people often confuse my work for others, people who are pure like people who are pure, perhaps we make our own personal traumas, (personally I blame the guidance counselor), picture yourself on a boat on a river, pink indicates a tendency to squander, poorly armed and seasoned only in terror, prevent dark from entering the dark sucker, Pussy cat pussy cat what did you do there?, Queen Liliuokalani once ruler, raises as many questions as it answers, Ralph Waldo Emerson. The equalizer, ramps have actually been very under, red hearts orange stars yellow moons green clovers, reinstate the Oedipal triangular, remove one joint per day (first feet then fingers, Richard Wagner and the Holy German War, rock 'n roll dancers proved internal cancers, Rocky takes it up the ass doo-dah doo-dah, rot-corpse Sumatran art amuses proctor, (running as the privileged super-user), say good-bye to unwanted stains forever, Say Hallelujah Brother! Hallelujah!, scatter oneself over a wide area, "selling" culture by hawking "shares" in Wagner, send bizarre things you think can give you cancer, seriously wishes to be considered, served by a single elderly retainer, she bird-dogs every little thing you give her, she is just enjoying the cool air up there, she likened the breath to a windshield wiper, she sippeth sweet flowers to keep her voice clear, she uses a VCR for a beeper, she's definitely wearing her Wonder Bra, she's such a sucker he don't wanna fuck her, sheer ignorance and good old fashioned godfear, shimmering with muscle-pumps close to his core, shitty food shitty music lame-ass dancers, Sigismondo Pandolfo Malatesta, simply because I am not a composer, sit quietly until the next thought appears, slack jaws and fear but in hers only humor, sloppy follow-up with vile disco flavor, small particles of glass stone etc., Snap snap grin grin wink wink nudge nudge say no more?, so I guess the gas station is Nirvana, so many egomaniacal writers, so we can appropriate it for use here, some girls give me children I never asked for, some of you might think that a drastic measure, sometimes I wish it was 20 years later, sooner or later love is gonna getcha, South Africans Hail President Mandela, squares may look distant in her rear view mirror, staring at his thinning hair by his right ear, step up to a dependable answerer, streechup lip 2 la-di da-di I-lighter, structure has no point form has no point either, stumble upon glorious formal structures, sub limb in all stoning of a blast femur, success is an interval between failures, such and such a day of such and such a year, suffocation and fun in my desk drawer, super absorbent premium cat litter, superior and inferior street fairs, sure just put it in the accumulator, Teddy the Elf with the Detached Retina, teeters on the precipice of dementia, that I kissed Winona Ryder in a bar, "That is who I am!" replied the de-nosed squire, that moment with a preconceived idea, that sound of large bubbles bursting in water, that's why we're all writers frustrated writers, that's right those fat slobs need another order, the artworld and its universal blinders, the awful urge to dress younger than you are, The CBS Evening News with Dan Rather, the chicken oriental salad and more, The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire, the emphasis is on the particular, the future is closer than ever before, the good news is that most people get better, the hardness of egotism disappears, the important thing is that it's full rear, The Little Old Lady From Pasadena, the loss of one pet dog after another, The NBC Nightly News with Tom Brokaw, the #1 ingredient was sugar, the only thing to do is to sit and stare, the personification of malt liquor, the question remains attached to the wrapper, the realm of the professional amateur, the reptile was once supposed to live in fire, the resident rasta men slinging buddha, the results in no particular order:, the scene is a dark jungle in Africa, the shot calla is creeping on the under, the sky is falling ... no I'm tipping over, the Tao Te Ching is I Ching's older brother, the time for exploitation is way over, the van driver and I smiled at each other, the walls are covered with see-through wallpaper, the way the cobweb part holds it together, the word "incandescent" doesn't exist here, their humble petition and sad demeanor, their split became official last December, there are two ways to enter a gas chamber:, there faster always the best way to get there, There was a lady in the men's room! I swear!, there's a definite lack of apathy there, they are just as unlovable as we are, they tell us that women are getting smaller, think of a color you never saw before, think of it as one word: Thejedimaster, Think that's circumference or diameter?, thinks E=MC² is a rap star, 35 minutes have a Buddha-nature, this is AC I have OJ in the car, this isn't fair of you to pick on Hitler, this situation sounds all too familiar, those lazy hazy crazy days of summer, those of us who worry about the future, threaten to nail my boss's feet to the floor, time seems to be a recurring problem here, To boldly shit where no one has shit before!, to consider this curious world with care, to get success sometimes you've got to suffer, to go until we can't go any further, to look upon all women as your mother, today is the last day of your life so far, today's art star is tomorrow's bartender, toes twitching in the cold sadly crossing years, toll free number available to members, tomorrow is after all a new future, took myself out of the game altogether, touch the torah o mess with the menorah, travel with Dreyfuss and get a lion's share, treasure treasure I love you without measure, (trying desperately to keep back the tears), turns dry frizzy hair into smooth shiny hair, twelve males reclaiming their inner warrior, twenty four before my love and I'll be there, twenty four thousand nine hundred characters, two shots of hot milk to ease your system here, unreal utopia of fluffy Nina, Urgggg! Young hung and full of frenzy that's sugar!, variants of this story are told elsewhere, veined sweetmeat in lumps resembling a ghower, VooDoo you do something like burn someone's hair, Wagner got the same way in his later years, walls that have been pre-prepared with wallpaper, Was it just me or was it too crowded there?, Was Napoleon really small all over?, watching all the babies going out the door, water loses weight as the weight of water, we are your digital slaves of the future, we get into a daze and we just sit there, we had a great sympathy for each other, we had lives everything was very ordered, we mourn the passing of our beloved peer, we shall obey were she ten times our mother, we would be better off without it/him/her, we're all stuck in our room with diarrhea, we're busy beating up this postal worker, We're stupid and ignorant. It's our nature, we've always been in those shoeboxes downstairs, wear a stench suit and be admired from afar, (weeping still more violently than before), Were monks the original New Age droners?, What about the brains of a philosopher?, What are the backward lyrics in "Ya Honza?", What do you call a Chinese 69-er?, What do you wish to bid on them Lorena?, what has been said here has been said here before, What is red and white and squirms in the corner?, What is the trait you most deplore in others?, What language is used by the largest number?, what pained me the most: the plague in India, What's Danish and runs naked through the butchers?, what's good for the goose is good for the gander, what's good for Ugoose is good for Uganda, What's old wrinkled and smells like Ginger Rogers?, What's pink wrinkled and hangs out of your trousers?, whatever your losing virginity year, When asked "Do they tear?" He replied "Here and there.", when he took refuge in a cave near Mecca, when I lay my head down on the amoebae, when my tongue put a ring of coat hanger wire, when the passages begin to get longer, when you smoke pot it kind of opens the doors, where anti-Semitism ever flickers, Where did you get the flower in the bower?, whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer, whether he was Jesus Christ or another, which aroused the envy of Joseph's brothers, (which shows a lot of skin but no vaginas), who having been brought forth from boundless Mother, Why are our days numbered and not say lettered?, Why do you put a baby in the blender?, Why is there no way to submit an answer?, Will it be viewed as a joke in the future?, winning the coach says is like staying sober, Without doubt how can one be a true seeker?, without so much as a dash or a comma, women do not know anything about cars, words as sources of suffering to others, Would you like to see my boa constrictor?, Would you think about selling these in your store?, wouldn't be prudent to shit at this juncture, yet he still prefers to walk up flights of stairs, Yoda Penelope The Jedi Master, you are all I long for worship and adore, You are nothing! URA fucking loser!, you can't always judge a seat by its cover, You can't do that. Don't you know people live here?, you could learn a big lesson from this dog here, you don't need a license to live with a beer, you fuck with the mop I'll fuck with the monster, You go figure. Or rather you go figyah, you have to trust the fact that you're a writer, you inherit the shit of your ancestors, you know that's not enough postage anymore, You see this in Oprah Winfrey. Look at her, you were in a car crash and you lost your hair, you're about as punk rock as The Go Go's were, you're all mixed up like pasta primavera, you're twisted depraved and rotten to the core, you're putting your groceries like together, you've never had cereal like this before, your hair is too long to jewball anymore, your physical body will not reappear, zealous railing got to be that much better;